Lambrini Girls. It sounds like a new TikTok era bringing back a very distinct way of living.
And it’s coming in hot.
So fucking hot it set the stage on fire (more on that later…).
We’ll call this era, Lambrini Girl Spring. It’s one of pure, deep rooted, unhinged, feral chaos.
It has your friends cheering you on in public and questioning your sanity amongst themselves. It has your elders passing out. And it creates a strong herd of worshippers having the time of their lives as they cheer you on from the debris you’re leaving them in.
An example was last night. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to have a Lamrini Girl Spring from the Lambrini Girls themselves based on their show at Moth Club in Hackney.
Step one: Bring along a full bottle of Lambrini, of course.
Step two: Taunt and rile up the crowd before you even begin whatever carnage you’re up to. In this case, a hell-laced set of aggressive distortion.
You get them so pumped that you cause borderline riots at the very first stroke of your performance—wild dogs, fighting for the last scrap of meat on the bone.
Step three: You’re nice at the same time. You must call out the bad in the world and direct everyone toward the good. In this example, fuck the Tories. Every decision they’ve made, the people they’ve fucked over and the people that support them.
Step four: Equality. Stand for equality and stand for it proudly. If people can’t join you squatting on the floor for a physical impairment, no drama. Are you a gay legend? Sick.
Step five: Share. That bottle of Lambrini you had from step one, pour it down people’s throats- or shirts and just generally everywhere if you’re still busy boiling up that energy.
Step six: Stage presence (arguably the most important). The Lambrini Girls have it in abundance. In fact, I’ve not seen much like it in my five years of trying to decipher gigs.
And when I say stage presence, I don’t mean being on it. They spent more time in (or on) the crowd, but that sums their presence up. When the crowd becomes your playground, you know you’re onto a winner.
Surf atop the old blokes at the front, throw your dress off, be held standing in the air in the middle of it all – yes, these are all real-life examples from last night.
You call the shots, well, everyone wants you to at least. Do it boldly.
Step seven: Energy. Lambrini Girl Spring requires you bring a skip load of the stuff.
Remember I mentioned the stage setting on fire? It took five attempts of “no, we’re being serious; the stage is on fire” for people to realise they weren’t joking and that it wasn’t part of the show. It’s this enchanting energy that you need this spring.
Like the band, have people cheering in excitement and gasping in fear at exactly the same time.
Step eight: Make it a goal to lose your mind. It’s infectious.
The outside world becomes a game you can control when you lose your mind. If you’ve lost that, there’s nothing to lose in reality. And deep down, everyone wants to lose their mind – even if it’s just for an hour in a tightly packed gig venue.
Finally, step nine: show off the things you’ve made.
Although Lambrini Girls could have been smashing tin cans and the crowd would’ve gone wild, you need to make things and show them off. Their eager fanbase were screaming the lyrics back to them. It’s what sells out the tickets of people desperate to come back or finally get a peak at what all the gossip is about.
It’s what’ll keep the buzz going.
What’ll have people writing about you.
What’ll see you climb the ranks of festival line-ups and venue sizes.
And that’s it. Follow those nine steps and you’re having your Labrini Girl Spring.
A rowdy whirlwind of hazy memories that are on the cusp of being unbelievable. A personality that’ll leave a lot of people in envy masked as disgust.
If you want a real-life example find them at one of their next shows.
Seen once, never forgotten.