The Best Ever Workout Songs: A Definitive *Listicle*
Now, this article is about the Best Ever Workout Songs, but first, I think we owe you a little explanation for why we’ve written nary a word in, oh, six months.
It’s been a while, hasn’t it?
It’s been a very long while indeed.
We’ve had a run of misfortune here at No Taste, the website that reviews live music: there was this pandemic, right, and it totally stopped, like, all the gigs from happening. For a year!
Things got bad at No Taste. With no gigs to attend, we had nothing to write about. We grew distracted. We lost sight of what mattered. We all got COVID. Yes: all of us. Tom was slain by the virus, in fact. RIP.
But that’s all old news now, and wonderful things are afoot.
May I present to you: The Best Ever Workout Songs!
BEST EVER WORKOUT SONGS
What makes a good workout song? A high BPM? An intense, howling 80s vocal? The blistering wail of a guitar solo? Some powerful drum-smackery? Or sexy lyrics?
To find out, I will now do something no human being has ever done before*: I will do a workout and write an article for No Taste at the SAME TIME.
*as far as I’m aware**.
**that is, not very far at all.
Yes, you read that right ladies and gentlemen. Me, Dan Hackett, ya boy, is about to pump some serious iron while blasting my way through Spotify’s ‘Workout’ playlist. And I will review each track in between sets. Isn’t that a good idea? What a brilliant idea.
To kick us off:
Harder Better Faster Stronger by Daft Punk
Fucking hell, this is a good song isn’t it. I’ve not listened to it in about eight years but, yeah, still holds up.
I don’t know if it makes me want to workout harder though. I was feeling pumped up by it until the phrase ‘work is never over’. Not the sort of thing you want chanted at you by an army of robots while you’re gurning through a set of kettlebell snatches, to be honest.
Voodoo People (Pendulum Remix) by The Prodigy
Erm. Just making me want to go to a rave.
Work It by Missy Elliott
Unsure how to feel. It was in the Workout playlist but it’s just too sexy. I can’t do squats to this. I’m not a beautiful shapely woman. I’m not even a beautiful shapely man. It feels too ironic.
‘Till I Collapse by Eminem
Ahhhhh it’s a bit intense for squats isn’t it. The music sounds like Eminim’s going to war. I’m wearing pink shorts and socks that don’t match and I keep farting from exertion. I need something a bit sillier, I think. If you’re a 150-kilo muscle-bound man throwing weights about, maybe this is for you. But I simply cannot take myself seriously when I’m at this level of flatulence.
Note: Starting to feel a little bit tired now. Blood gone out my head and into my arms and legs. Bit groggy. Eesh.
Sugar We’re Going Down by Fallout Boy, for some reason
Unsure who at Spotify thought to put this in the workout playlist, to be frank. I’ll admit… I quite liked this song back in the day. I was never an emo, like, but still. They do nice harmonies.
Is it good to lift weights to, however?
Be Someone by Camelphat ft. Jake Bugg
No idea. Never heard this before. Why is Jake Bugg doing dance music now. Jake Bugg can’t dance. You only have to look at him to know that. Imagine him dancing. He doesn’t even smile. How would Jake Bugg dance, if Jake Bugg were to dance? Jake Bugg with his hands in the air, hips shaking, staring at you hard in the face with that scowl of his fixed on his brow. Hmm.
Get Out My Head by Redlight
It’s a lovely song, everybody.
Superstylin’ by Groove Armada
King Kunta by Kendrick Lamar
I really like this song 🙂
Gold Dust ft. Ms Dynamite
I saw Ms Dynamite at Boomtown. I was a steward on the mainstage and she opened the festival in 2019. It was wild. I had an earpiece in and a radio and I was dancing beyond the barrier like a tit and this man did too much ecstasy even though it was only like 12pm and I had to radio it in and he got wheeled away in a little ambulance cart and given water by a fence.
Call On Me by Eric Prydz
I think that’s how you spell Prydz. Anyway this song is great for working out because A) it’s an upbeat bouncy pumper and B) the music video features, quite famously, a lot of lyrca-clad people working out. Terrific!
Encore Une Fois by Sash!
‘Encore une fois’ means ‘one more time’ in French. When I was a teenager and heard this song on the radio I thought they were saying ‘I’m coming for’, which of course doesn’t make any sense, but then I’ve always had a terrifyingly low IQ.
I See Girls by Tom Neville
I’ve not heard this since I was a wee bairn sipping cider in nettle-filled fields. And maybe it’s the lack of bloodflow to my brain talking, but it’s the best song ever? My word.
I Want Your Soul by Armand Van Helden
WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GET IN
Shake Ur Body by SHY FX
Honestly mate I’m off out to get leathered after this I am PUMPED
Going to the Gym by Lethal Bizzle
ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND OUT OF TEN GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY HOWAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
Post-workout final comments
Um. Since I wrote the above I have showered and my BPM has returned to normal. Not really sure what happened there ladies and gentlemen; the serotonin hit pretty hard. Ahem.
Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed my review of the best ever workout songs. I’m not sure one could call it a ‘definitive’ list, but hopefully there’s a track or two in the list which you can add to your own workout playlist in future, in order to help you pump even more iron.
Happy pumping, everybody x